I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
