I've blown a few things in my day
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how does that bad decision feel?
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