u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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