You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
