i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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