Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
