he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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