i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
