life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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