i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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