Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
