$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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