i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
