threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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