Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
