maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
