end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
