got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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