I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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