Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
