please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
