it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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