Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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