forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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