I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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