dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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