dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
