She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
