What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
