I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
