All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
