We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
