Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
