Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
50% drunk capacity currently
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
