I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
