I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
