after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
