the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
