i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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