Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
