You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
