In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
