My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
