He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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