I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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