what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
