sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
