Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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