That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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