Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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