I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
